y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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