honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
