Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Even my vagina gasped.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
