I'm so fucking centered right now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
