Kiss
Puke
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
