I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
