Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
