Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
