I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
