i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
