my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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