...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
