Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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