Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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