I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
