My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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