That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize