watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
And then he peed in my hair
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