Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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