I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
