He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
soo... how was my night?
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