Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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