the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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