You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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