She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize