and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
did i walk over a car last night?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
