i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
