Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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