It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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