Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
