Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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