he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
smell my finger.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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