Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
