I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize