Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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