plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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