dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
