There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
