is your mom at the bar?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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