i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize