I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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