I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
