We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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