I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
