hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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