The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
