then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
