He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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