My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
