wrigley field is MILF paradise
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize