He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
