Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
