so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
