i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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