I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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