The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
