talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
