Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
did you just send me my own nude
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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