why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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