nut hugger
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
