I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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