I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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