he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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