My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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