She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
