I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
