Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
