Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
