I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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