just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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