Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
