He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
