LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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