on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
