8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
