Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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