That's intense
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
