my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
