Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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