I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
