dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
