everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
